Newcastle United players all agree on who the slowest player in the team is, it’s not Dan Burn
Newcastle United’s dressing room has reached a surprising consensus about their squad’s least fleet-footed member, and it’s not the towering figure most fans would expect.
While 6’7″ defender Dan Burn seems the obvious candidate for slowest player honors, his teammates have identified an unexpected culprit – left-back Matt Targett.
The revelation came during a lighthearted Sky Sports segment featuring Targett alongside Callum Wilson, Emil Krafth, Tino Livramento, and William Osula. When challenged to rank themselves by speed, the verdict was instant and unanimous.
“He’s the slowest, 100%,” declared Krafth before Targett could even mount a defense. The 29-year-old fullback accepted his fate with good humor, quietly shuffling to the “slowest” position without protest.
This admission sheds light on an often overlooked aspect of Newcastle’s squad dynamics. While Eddie Howe’s side boasts explosive young talents like Anthony Gordon and Alexander Isak, Targett’s lack of pace hasn’t prevented him from being a valuable squad member during his three years at St James’ Park.
His technical quality and defensive awareness have compensated for any speed deficit, particularly during his initial loan spell that earned him a permanent move in 2022.
The timing of this revelation carries particular poignancy as Targett’s Newcastle career appears to be winding down. Limited to just two brief Premier League appearances this season due to Lewis Hall’s emergence and recurring hamstring issues, the defender now faces an uncertain future.
Howe’s recent confirmation that Targett may miss the remainder of the campaign with another hamstring problem seems a fitting epitaph for his injury-plagued tenure on Tyneside.
Newcastle’s evolution under their ambitious ownership has gradually marginalized players like Targett. The summer arrivals of Livramento and Hall – both offering greater athleticism and attacking threat from fullback positions – have rendered the former Southampton man expendable.
A January return to St Mary’s failed to materialize, but summer departure now seems inevitable as Newcastle continue their upward trajectory.
Targett’s situation highlights the brutal realities of top-flight football’s relentless progress. Just two years ago, his steady performances helped stabilize Newcastle’s defense during their climb from relegation candidates to Champions League qualifiers.
Today, his limitations exemplify the harsh standards required to compete at the Premier League’s highest levels.
While the “slowest player” title might sting, Targett can reflect on meaningful contributions during his Newcastle stint. His professionalism during injury setbacks and willingness to mentor younger teammates like Hall won’t be forgotten by staff or supporters.
As the Magpies prepare for another summer of ambitious recruitment, Targett’s departure will symbolize both the club’s raised expectations and football’s unforgiving pace of change – both literally and figuratively.
The dressing room’s good-natured ribbing about his speed ultimately reflects the camaraderie Howe has fostered.
That Targett could laugh along while facing career uncertainty speaks volumes about his character. Wherever he plays next season, he’ll leave Newcastle having given his all – even if it wasn’t always at breakneck speed.